Erin Ritch

Author, Mom, Founder of No Wyverns Publishing

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Tag: funny

“Why?” – 20 questions from a three year old (in one morning)

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Image credit Virtual EyeSee

  1. What is Mr. Sunshine saying? (He says “Hello!”)
  2. What is Mr. Sunshine saying now? (Um, “How are you today?”)
  3. Why is Mr. Sunshine asking me that? (Uh, I don’t know. I thought…well, never mind.)
  4. What does “never mind” mean? (It means, uh, don’t worry about it.)
  5. But why would I worry about it?
  6. Where are my shoes? (By the door.)
  7. Which door? (The one right there. The front door.)
  8. Why are they by that door? (That’s where you left them when we came home.)
  9. Why? (Um, because that’s where you decided to leave them.)
  10. But why did I do that? (It was easier?)
  11. Why was it easier? (I don’t know, maybe because we had just come in the door and you dropped them there?)
  12. But why don’t you know???
  13. (Don’t touch that, it’s dirty.) Why is it dirty?
  14. (It has germs on it.) And what would do you if I touched it?
  15. (I would be upset because you didn’t listen and your hand would be dirty.) And what would you say?
  16. (…I would say, “I told you not to touch that.”) And then what would you do?
  17. (Then we would have to clean your hand.) Why?
  18. What does “why” mean? (Because you want more information.)
  19. Why do I ask “why?” (Because you are learning.)
  20. Why do I need to learn? (So you no longer have to ask WHY.)

 

A “Rest Time” Story – Overheard on the Baby Monitor

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This is a transcript of my three year old daughter Olive’s “rest time” that we attempt every afternoon. Arthur is my 7 year old Irish Terrier, who must have thought I went temporarily deaf.

3:58 pm

Olive:

I get to sleep….I get to sleep.

It’s daytime…it’s daytime. Say, Hello! and I open the door to say, Hi!

 (Door opens, then shuts again)

Hmm lallaaa laaa lalalala dum dee da da

(Door opens, short pause, then shuts again)

Hmmmamaa maammmaaa hmmmm laa laa laa

Hi-ho the dairy-o, the farmer and the dell….looopy loopy doo doo da

(Door opens, short pause, then shuts loud. Arthur comes to warn me that Olive is opening her door.)

Lullaby…go to sleep… *LOUD, DRAMATIC SIGH* hmmm hmmm hmm hmm

Time to go to the bank. I need cake! Hee hee hee hee hee

Wah. Wah. Wah. Wah. Wah. Wah. Wah. (sung to the tune of “I’m A Little Teapot” )

(Door opens, shuts very quickly. Twice. Arthur comes to warn me again.)

*Lots of sounds of rustling around and random humming.*

(Door opens. Arthur must have greeted her at the door because I hear small whispers, then door shuts. Arthur comes into office, yawns, and walks off.)

Right now…we can get some more…Oh, Arthur, at the door…(sung to the tune “This Old Man”)

Mommy mommy mommmy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy

(I now go in to tell her she has some rest time left and I will get her when it’s over. Her response: “But I don’t wanna rest anymore!!”)

*Lots of clapping and humming, then long silence.*

Oh ah oh ah oh ah wahooo *whistle whistle* Clean up. Did you know you made the mess? You know why? Because. Then, we need to get a clean…a pair of…what you want to do? What. Do. You. Want. To. Do. I have to get a new pair of socks. Did you know why? The end. So….I’m wearing a crown. Yeah. You know why? It’s so beautiful outside! The sun is up…and…well it’s beautiful. I’m still gonna wear my crown and all. Jumping in the mud. Oooh ooh oh boy. It’s very much cold. Very much it’s cold. I’m gonna put my hands in my pocket.

Mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mama mama mama mama mummy mummy mummy mummy (Not getting a response, so she stops.)

She tripped in the rock n roll. Then she went back. Hey, don’t go forward and back!

Mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy

(Arthur comes to get me, jumping on me over and over to get my attention.)

Mommy mommy MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY

4:28 pm

Two more minutes. Wait. Two. More. Minutes.

Mema momma mamma mommy mamama mummy

4:30 pm

And “rest time” is over.

Questions & Demands From A Two Year Old – The Saga Continues

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*Editor’s note – this series will be changing soon, as my two year old is only weeks away from being three. Who knows what she will come up with then…*

  • “Mommy – stop talking.”
  • “Can you sing the happy rain drops song?”
  • *dramatic sobs* “But I want to close the refrigerator!”
  • (Did you have fun at the playground today?) “There were screams.”
  • (Hey look, it’s Santa!) “He has a scratchy face.”
  • (What’s the name of that little horse?) “Bloosh.” (Oh, what’s he eating?) “Bloosh.”
  • “Sometimes the shadows take me out of my crib.” (What!?) “Just kidding, it was Grandpa. Heh.”
  • *Twirls in a circle* “Eeeks, my house won’t stop moving!”
  • (Okay, time to wash our hands.) “But I want to wash my hands!” (Okay. Push your sleeves up…) “But I want to push up my sleeves!” (Okay. Now get the soap on your hands like…) “But I want to put soap on my hands!” (Okay…now scrub, scrub…) “But I want to scrub!” (No problem…now, rinse!) “Mommy, can you wash my hands?”
  • “Mommy – I love you.”

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