coffee coffee coffee

Coffee Addict Solutions (Even though you are actually in the process of quitting coffee. For now.)

Image Credit: Susanne Nilsson

I may or may not have used all these excuses at some point in my life. 

*Okay, I have.*

This is actually a pretty accurate accounting of my morning stream of consciousness.

  1. Its payday Friday. You deserve a coffee!
  2. Its Monday. You need to get this week started off right. Get a coffee!
  3. It’s “double stamp” Wednesday at your favorite coffee shop. Don’t miss out, get a coffee!
  4. You’ve done so well cutting down to MWF coffee trips. Reward yourself with a Tuesday coffee!
  5. It’s not payday Friday. Redeem your “free coffee” that you earned on double stamp Wednesday!
  6. You stayed up unusually late watching TV. Set your alarm a bit earlier so you have time to pick up a coffee in the morning!
  7. You realize you are getting too dependent on coffee again. Have one last large coffee for a final send off and that’s it!
  8. The caffeine withdrawal is too intense and you are not functioning at work. Drink a small cup of office-coffee-pot-coffee mixed with large amounts of powder creamer to wean yourself slowly!
  9. At lunchtime, pick up an Iced Tea. Caffeine from tea is different than caffeine from coffee!
  10. You have successfully gone one week without coffee. Reward yourself with a decaf coffee!
  11. Decaf coffees don’t seem to be doing more than providing a sugar high. Try branching out to different variations and concoctions of decaf coffee drinks to find your right match!
  12. You realize it really is a waste of money, gas, time and calories to pick up decaf coffee, which is basically overpriced chocolate milk. Try a half caf!
  13. Maybe half caf coffees are the best of both worlds? Try another half caf coffee to be sure!
  14. Your barista now asks if it’s a “half caf” or “full caf” morning. You hesitate, but stay strong and order a half caf. Reward yourself with whip cream added to your half caf!
  15. After several weeks of half caf coffees, your body has acclimated. Try increasing the frequency of half caf coffees!
  16. A different barista helps you and you “forget” to mention it’s a half caf. Too late, can’t let that fully-caffeinated cuppa heaven go to waste!
  17. You realize that half caf coffees have been leading you on. Give fully caffeinated coffee one more chance by having one every day for the next week to see what (if any) effect it has on your body!
  18. You realize this is not normal to spend so much time rationalizing, coveting and scheming about coffee. You will get more sleep, lose weight, save money and earn some damn self respect if you take your mornings back and go to work without picking up a coffee. With the help of your family and friends (who will occasionally give in to your coercion) –  you will quit coffee. Again. Right after your friend from out-of-town comes to visit. She likes drinking coffee, too. It would be rude to deny her coffee because of your own issues. Go pick up an Espresso machine for home!

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